BREATHE - I Am and I Will

 BREATHE

The World Cancer Day theme “I Am and I Will” encapsulates the extraordinary spirit and the strength of the people working in the cancer community. Must Thanks to all my Doctors, nurses and my caretaker  (Family & friend)

 

This coming World Cancer Day on 4th February 2021, I would like to take action how I’m going to spread my wings... this year is going to be my 4th years celebration WORLD CANCER DAY 

 

 

This years I would like to says there is so much to be grateful for, even after cancer… surviving cancer has led me to be more grateful. At the beginning, when cancer treatment ends (just follow up with RBC), I started a new chapter in my life. I think I could be happy and bring hope to other cancer fighter but I’m also worries and fear; what if the cancer might come back and this is really giving big impact to my emotions.

 

Is not easy Going back to “normal”

 

Sebelum ini, Yana kerap berjumpa dengan Doktor di hospital Ampang. Cek darah, tambah darah, sesi kimo, buat bone marrow biopsy, cek fungsi hati dll… dan setelah biasa dengan norma baru dan bila Yana pun sudah anggap Hospital Ampang as my 2nd home, suddenly there is no more jadual yang padat untuk berjumpa doctor. Hanya cek darah untuk pemantauan dan perasaaan itu rasa PELIK. When treatment is done, Yana rasa like they’re no longer fighting the cancer. Mula la rasa bimbang dan ada kala rasa alone and lost without the support of doctor & nurse di Hospital Ampang. Doktor & nurse antara insa-insan penting dalam journey to become SIHAT. Not seeing them make me anxious and sad. But I’m so lucky, masih aktif dengan group surviving APML.

 

Learning to live with uncertainty

 

Yana notice that I’m paying a lot of attention to aches and pains in my body. Dr. Ong kata no signs of cancer now, but can you be sure? I’m still wondering…

 

Will it come back?

What are the chances it will come back?

How will I know if it has come back?

What will I do if it comes back?

When will it come back?

 

This fear grips me, and I really have trouble sleeping, selalu kena panic attack and kalau nak making simple decisionspun boleh rasa menyusahkan hidup.

 

And this year… Yana dah buat keputusan untuk ke next step to deal with uncertainty and fear and feel more hopeful:

 

 

BREATHE ya, Yana mesti bernafas…

 

"First and foremost, i'am ALIVE"

I don't hate cancer but I've decided it time to take a deep breath to let it go and move forward...

"Calling myself a SURVIVOR was hard at first, but here I'am

I'll open the window of my mind, allow the fresh air, new light and new truth to enter

That's life: starting over, one breath at a time.

 

 

Wish me luck